Confessions of a Pear-shaped Girl

I'm exactly 21 years and 29 days old and it amuses me, as I sit here typing and reminiscing, that on my actual 21st birthday I had to stuff socks into my bra in order for my dress to fit properly and look as good as it was supposed to. How sad. Except, I'm not really sad about it anymore; I'm more amused than anything. At my age, many people still assume I'm a teenager, and that's ALWAYS a compliment for women. It's possibly because of my height (5"3') and of course, my lack of a sizable bosom. 

Many jokes have been cracked about my boobs, some which I ignored with another comeback to belittle my chest (what better way to get over a discomfort than to make fun of it?), while others hit home and had me gobsmacked for hours! (I shut myself in my room and cried for a bit, then pretended I had been taking a nap) What keeps me sane, though, is knowing that there are so many women and girls out there who are just like me! We walk into a store, see a dress (size 12), try it on and it fits our hips and bottom perfectly well! Then we avert our eyes to our torso and groan. The thing is hanging off our bodies like a baby wearing its mother's maternity clothing! We look ridiculous and it's usually bodycon dresses that fit us quite well (hence why we stuff socks in our already padded bras! Thank God for whoever invented padded bras and push-up bras! We love you!) But a girl's wardrobe can't just be full of bodycon dresses; variety is the bane of sanity for any regular indecisive woman like me. If you haven't already figured it out, I'm talking about us pear-shaped girls. There are a lot of things that do flatter us pear-shaped ladies, and I've been discovering these on a deeper level in an effort to enhance what I was blessed with. What inspired this blog post is that one day over the Christmas break, I sat down with my favourite girls to just chill and watch some awfully dull reality TV show about fashion. (I'm not a big fan of reality TV shows, except The Apprentice and the occasional episode of Mary Mary just for the drama. Everything else currently on telly right now seems too shallow for me and it actually gives me a headache or sends me to sleep. Yawn. But of course, others find them entertaining etc, good on you :) And NOTE: sometimes I DO watch reality TV but very rarely, and usually out of extreme boredom) 

Anyway, back to the main topic. On this fashion show, there was a lady, nice slim body (as expected of most models), and a chest almost as flat as mine. She was rocking a very nice dress which was open at the front. It looked very flattering on her that it inspired me to be more creative when shopping for my own clothes so that I can buy clothes that go well with my body structure. I said out loud, "Wow, I think I should invest my time, money and energy in getting clothes that really flatter my boobs," to which Someone-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named responded saying, "Honey, there's nothing flattering about your chest." Obviously, to SWSNBN it was all banter, but it kind of stung. Another person chimed in and innocently said something along these lines: "Well, at least this lady has boobs, you've got nothing. You need push up bras and padded bras to make it look decent." I was gobsmacked. Absolutely lost for words. That really hurt my feelings and so I excused myself from the room and went to cry in my bedroom. I know that comment was passed innocently and perhaps wasn't meant to be hurtful, but it was delivered so bluntly that it hit home. This got me even more determined to prove my point, that as women without lower curves (Apple-shaped and tomboy shaped women) wear peplum for the sole purpose of making an illusion of hips they haven't got, I could wear something (other than padded bras) that would make my flat chest look decent without enhancing it. It's like, if a skinny person wears baggy clothes, it's not going to flatter her at all but make her look anorexic when she probably isn't. Same as if a person who's chubby wears really tight clothes that hug all her rolls and emphasises her extra bulges, she would look even bigger than she really is. As a flat chested woman, I can't be walking around wearing certain pieces of clothing because they would pave way for people to mock me even more (yes, there are some ruthless people out there.) My point is, I want to be able to have a choice. I like variety and I like being able to handle different types of things by altering certain things - not necessarily about me, but perhaps about how I look. This is similar to my no-make-up-challenge. I wanted to allow myself to realise that I can have choice. I can choose to not wear make up today and still feel alright. I hate feeling trapped and those who know me well would know that I'm almost always ready to flee from anything that makes me feel trapped and/or "weak". 

As a pear shaped young woman, I know I can still play around with fashion as I have a wide range to choose from. I invited my friend Jasmine who's a brilliant aspiring fashion stylist and former designer/tailor to help me coordinate outfits out of my own wardrobe that flatter me and my body shape. Images to come soon! Who needs boobs, to be honest :P


Many times men make females feel inadequate if they haven't got a certain body type or feature which they deem "sexually attractive" such as a bum and boobs. Women have fought this for years (through the feminist movement, etc) and they carry on fighting daily (the likes of Dapper Laughs just keep us women on our toes and carry on destroying what some people spent years trying to build. Sigh. More on that later). 

However, women are even more guilty when it comes to tearing other women down, using confidence and self-esteem as the greatest weapon. You'd think that as women we understand the struggle of not having the perfect everything (arguably, there are some women who have what many would call "dream bodies" - flat tummy, nice round bum, a sizeable chest and toned legs. Who wouldn't want that?) But then there's always a fight amongst women of different body shapes, pointing out each other's differences and making them seem like flaws. Slim women slandering curvy women; curvy women belittling slender women (Refer to Nicki Minaj - Anaconda). We honestly should be supporting each other. But then of course I get it - in as much as we hate to admit it, we do like the attention from men (for all my heterosexuals out there), and it boosts our confidence. We as women are in competition with each other - decent men are scarce tbh, therefore what do we do? We enhance our looks in an effort to attract Mr Right. Obviously, as long as there's no ring on our finger yet, we feel vulnerable and know we can lose Mr Right any moment to that girl with the "perfect something". Then we notice she's got a flat bum and it's like our devilish horns immediately grow, claws come out and we strike. We diminish her confidence and make sure she feels so insecure that she can't be comfortable around men. So we feel like we've won, take off the horns and claws, plaster our faces with the biggest, fakest smiles ever and carry on with life. It's exhausting. It's not right, but it is happening every single day. 

Appearance does matter to us, hence we bathe thoroughly, moisturise our skin with luxurious lotions, do laundry, get hair cuts etc. The only difference is how much appearance matters to each of us as individuals. For some, it's a priority ranking high up there alongside chocolate and food. For others, it's in the middle alongside hobbies etc while for others, it's almost at the bottom of the list. Once again I'll do another disclaimer: I'm NOT saying that ALL women are competing against each other for a future partner. I'm NOT saying that ALL women belittle each other based on body shape due to insecurities. However, I AM saying that some women tend to do that and I've witnessed this myself first hand. And to emphasise a precious point, the importance of these issues to women varies from person to person as we are all different and have different tastes and different priorities.  This is my journey to self-acceptance, self-awareness and self-growth. "Who's going to love you when you can't even love yourself?" 

Food for thought...

xox

Christmas with Shanners

Christmas - a time to show love, have some peace, give and share and most importantly, a time to honour our Lord Jesus Christ as we commemorate His birth. 

Chocolate mousse

It's Christmas morning and Christmas songs are playing in the background, Chef Shea is in the kitchen bustling about, preparing Christmas meals. Shanners is holding her camcorder, taking in every single detail of the day, from the mumbled good mornings to the sibling squabble between her and her big sister, Shea. It was a typical morning in the Gutsa household, except with more buzz, more noise and more people. Aunty came down for Christmas and mum was getting ready to go home - Zimbabwe. Soon after Christmas breakfast, everyone gathered round to open presents (Yes, we're the keen ones who don't wait for Boxing Day to open presents - ain't nobody got time for that.) One by one, everybody opened their presents which were in a neat little pile for each person to find their own presents. There were highs and lows, some disappointments and some extreme ecstasy. 

However, it reminded me that the most important part of Christmas is being around your loved ones, commemorating Christ. We've pulled Christ out of Christmas so much so that it's losing its meaning as it is now hugely commercialised. I won't lie, I LOVE my presents and giving presents, but I also want to keep the spirit of the Lord alive in my life on Christmas Day so I won't focus on what I got (or didn't get), but on the fact that I've had a blessed year, I'm still alive and kicking and I'm surrounded by the ones I love dearly. 

On Christmas Day I made a chocolate mousse, with a twist. I added Amarula, my family's favourite cream liquer since Zimbabwe. I'm going to post the recipe to debut my new sub-blog which will be dedicated to my cooking and any recipes or anything related to food/eating habits. This blog shall be called (unsurprisingly) Chef Shanners. I always hashtag my cooking #ChefShanners and I think it's high time I blog about it! What I need though is to invest in an amazing camera for those times when lighting is just too poor that my phone's camera can't justify how yummy the food looks :P. I'm also hoping to grow my readership on both Just Shanners and Chef Shanners in 2015, sharing my stories, sharing tips and sharing food ideas! Hoping everyone has had a wonderful Christmas filled with love. It's not about the presents, it's about the presence of those close to you! One love

Xoxo

Chivalry is NOT Dead!

I repeat, "Chivalry is NOT dead!"

Chivalry; the word that most people nowadays have to read about in books, as it seems to be vanishing from our society, replaced by mean-spirited, sexist and insensitive beings. Having spent years and years being a hopeless romantic with such a positive attitude about most things, I've been living that pessimistic lifestyle for the past year or so, due to a series of unfortunate events which led to the (slight) destruction of my faith in humanity. Well, not that my opinion matters much in a world populated by at least seven billion people, but it does to the ones close to me.

Chivalry as we know it is still alive (hoorah!). I found it in the last place I’d have ever imagined to meet gentlemen, kind-hearted people, and a friendly smile, let alone a helping hand. This happened as I made my way back home from university. I have to pass through London (don’t we all :/ *sigh) and that means dragging my thirty-tonne suitcase up and down the stairs on the underground trains. When I first got to Liverpool Street Station, I dragged my suitcase slowly (it had all my books, I’m not a crazy packer :P). Everyone was about their business; hardly anyone paid attention to the girl struggling to pull her heavy luggage (well, to be honest, it wasn't really their problem, was it?) Then when I tried to carry it up the stairs, two men at once rushed to help me. I was surprised but so thankful because my back was already killing me! Only one of them carried my bag up and I could tell even he was wondering what on earth was in my bag! He took it up two flights of stairs and left me to my own devices as I dragged it to the platform.

Soon afterwards, when I had to get the Hammersmith and City Line from Liverpool Street, another set of steps presented themselves to me. As usual, I attempted to pull, and within minutes, the most handsome Italian guy I've ever set eyes on asked if I needed help. I grinned like a fool and allowed him to carry my luggage. He actually struck conversation and the more he spoke, the more I noticed he was gay :/ (The tight leather trousers, an undoubtedly feminine V-neck top, a floral scarf and the copy of Vogue in his hand should have given it away to be honest, but oh well). We parted ways when I got to the platform and I carried on with my journey.

When I arrived at Baker Street, another set of stairs presented themselves to me! (seriously, why can’t they put lifts or something for people like me L such discrimination should have ended in 1928 to be honest lol) However, another person offered to carry my suitcase when he noticed that there was clearly no way I was going to do it on my own. I was grateful once again, and thanked him as I carried on, with a big smile on my face. Once again, I had to get down to my platform, and that required me to drag my suitcase and pray nothing breaks. A nice Nigerian woman asked her son to help me carry my bag down. I had earphones in (guilty) so I couldn't hear her at first, until I felt some resistance when I tried to pull my bag down. That’s when I realised what was happening. Again, I thanked them both and carried on to my platform. (Yes, the journey was a long one and I had to connect trains like a gazillion times!) I finally got to London Marylebone (yay, escalators!), but before coming out, I had one more flight of stairs to conquer. Another nice gentleman helped me up and I just knew it’s going to be a great Christmas holiday! The spirit of loving, giving, caring, sharing and helping is definitely alive in this place.

You might be wondering, “Well, what’s so surprising about someone offering to help?” Well, the answer is because it’s the twenty-first century, and this was London! In London, most times I travel, nobody pays anybody any attention; people are too busy rushing to different destinations. When I’m in quiet areas like Aylesbury or Colchester, I rarely get such treatment. Not just in London, anywhere to be honest. We've all become too busy, too consumed by our “busy” lives to care about the next person. We've shut the world out and grabbed our smart phone to stay “connected”. If only there was an app that could carry my luggage for me or magically summon an elevator whenever I needed one, I’d fully rate this new age of technology! But, it’s nice to see more and more people willing to spread the Christmas cheer in the littlest ways possible, because it’s the small things that go a long way. A tiny spark can set the whole forest on fire!

Black Friday - The Negative Effects of a Consumerist Society

"Today is Black Friday!" and I say this not with excitement and enthusiasm, but with dread. While in smaller towns, people get on with their businesses, moving from one shop to the next prowling for bargains, the same can't be said for relatively larger towns and cities. When I woke up this morning, I logged onto Facebook and saw a video of the chaotic atmosphere in some Tesco store somewhere in England, and what I saw made me want to weep for our society. The pure animosity of the whole thing made me stop the video and pick up my laptop to type this up.

It is such a shame that we have grown increasingly into such a consumerist society, where we spend a lot of money on things we do not need but merely because it's on sale or "trending" (of which the trends change every few months - meaning you're frequently in shops looking for the next best thing), or purely for a hoarding disease which most people like to disguise as "retail therapy". We focus too much energy on what we don't have that by the time we get back home trying to pack it all away, suddenly our houses seem too small and so we want more space. With more space, it feels too empty so we go shopping again and this becomes a tedious, endless cycle which clearly needs to be broken. I am guilty too of compulsive shopping, but lately I've been trying to focus my energy on things that I DO have, bearing in mind that many people don't have it. Why waste my hard-earned money on cheap items that I will probably wear only once or twice before throwing away or getting tired of?

Many people are being injured severely while racing to a shop for sample sales and all sorts. The question that's burning on my mind is "Do you even need this, or are you buying it just for the sake of buying it?". Instead of saving up and investing in our future, my generation is guilty of satisficing and living in the moment without giving tomorrow a second thought. How then are we supposed to be future leaders when we channel our energy on trivial issues while our economy is going down the drain under our watch? We choose to turn a blind eye on things that affect us and wear our rose-tinted glasses all the time, but a time shall come when all this is gone and we need to face up to reality. We are drowning in our own greed, selfishness and hatred. We are not building anything concrete for the future of our children and our children's children and generations to come. We have very little to show for the time we've spent here, besides destroying the environment to feed our egos. to feel rich and powerful or merely for "banter". New species of animals are becoming endangered every year, trees being cut down, oxygen levels growing lower and lower as we destroy the ozone layer during the production of goods we don't even need. SIGH. I weep for our society...

BREATHE!

When life's demands are drowning you in a pool of emotions, 
don't forget to come up for air...

In the midst of all the chaos

All the countless deadlines and all that

pressure from life

The fear, the disappointment, the pain, the

anger or any negative emotions

Don't forget to BREATHE...

"What is Pretty?" - Final Day

It's been a lovely week altogether. I've been so busy trying to balance school work, part time job, a social life AND taking care of myself with some "me" time. I started doing the "What is Pretty?" challenge in order to train myself to love myself just the way I am. I also wanted to understand exactly why some girls simply cannot step out with no make up on. During the past few days when I've been trying hard to sleep on time but also do my assignments, I realised that sometimes one simply doesn't have enough time to sleep if they're chasing their dreams, so they wake up looking like a panda. Some people simply cannot casually stroll past hundreds of students looking like that, but I decided to brave it and just go with it, because this is exactly who I am. And I'm happy because not once, not twice, but three times I got hit on at work when I thought I looked my worst, with bags slightly showing under my eyes. I'm happy because I never hexperrerit :P Not getting big-headed or anything, it just felt good and boosted my self-confidence, even if it was only by a tiny fraction. But still, you get my point.

I have also learnt that there's nothing wrong with wearing make up. Make up is fun and it's fun to play around with different shades, different looks and try out different brands! However, the whole point of this was to show somebody out there, anybody reading, that you shouldn't wear make up because of the pressure around you. You shouldn't wear make up to please somebody else. If there are insecurities that you're concerned about, fair enough, but my message to you is "embrace yourself!" If you do wear make up, make sure you wash your face thoroughly but gently before going to bed to avoid spotty, blotchy skin. Eat well and drink at the very least 1 litre of water every day.

I've also realised that my skin was getting too attached to make up that it no longer has that smooth feeling it used to have only a few months back. Even my eyebrows, they're shedding because of manipulation with them brushes and eyebrow kits. Make up actually ruins my skin and makes me become more reliant on it, buying more and more products in an effort to "look good". (Swear these manufacturers are smart, aye? Get you addicted and hooked for the rest of your life. Business will ALWAYS be there.) Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I should start taking greater care of myself, take in more and more water for that smooth skin and try to leave my eyebrows alone whenver possible. I plan to only wear make up when I feel it's necessary i.e. when I'm dressed up or when I look like a Halloween mask, or maybe just for bants. My final look for today is this:

Do I feel good about myself now? Heck Yeah!

I'm wearing a smile because I know that at the end of the day, somebody out there somewhere is going to have to take me as I am, and I'm going to have to embrace myself and love myself even more without feeling less of a woman or less "glamorous" simply because I have no make up on. Make up is a mask; I'm choosing not to wear mine every single day of my life. Hope you've all had a lovely weekend and I do hope somebody is even the slightest bit motivated to look after themselves better! The problem isn't make up; the problem is society making us feel as if we're inadequate if we don't have make up on; the problem is the photoshopped model in the magazine setting unrealistic standards of "beauty"; the problem is that we're not taking care of ourselves enough hence we do feel inadequate at times! :D

xoxo

How To Look Good Naked - "What is Pretty?" - Day 5

Today is the fifth day of the challenge and, well, same old story. I'm feeling great and taking better care of myself. I do miss make up sometimes, especially when I wake up in the morning looking like  panda! But that teaches me to try and sleep on time and not waste my time idly, doing nothing useful. 2 more days to go and I will nominate someone else to try this for a week!

Do I feel good today? Take a guess :P

xoxo