Confessions of a Pear-shaped Girl

I'm exactly 21 years and 29 days old and it amuses me, as I sit here typing and reminiscing, that on my actual 21st birthday I had to stuff socks into my bra in order for my dress to fit properly and look as good as it was supposed to. How sad. Except, I'm not really sad about it anymore; I'm more amused than anything. At my age, many people still assume I'm a teenager, and that's ALWAYS a compliment for women. It's possibly because of my height (5"3') and of course, my lack of a sizable bosom. 

Many jokes have been cracked about my boobs, some which I ignored with another comeback to belittle my chest (what better way to get over a discomfort than to make fun of it?), while others hit home and had me gobsmacked for hours! (I shut myself in my room and cried for a bit, then pretended I had been taking a nap) What keeps me sane, though, is knowing that there are so many women and girls out there who are just like me! We walk into a store, see a dress (size 12), try it on and it fits our hips and bottom perfectly well! Then we avert our eyes to our torso and groan. The thing is hanging off our bodies like a baby wearing its mother's maternity clothing! We look ridiculous and it's usually bodycon dresses that fit us quite well (hence why we stuff socks in our already padded bras! Thank God for whoever invented padded bras and push-up bras! We love you!) But a girl's wardrobe can't just be full of bodycon dresses; variety is the bane of sanity for any regular indecisive woman like me. If you haven't already figured it out, I'm talking about us pear-shaped girls. There are a lot of things that do flatter us pear-shaped ladies, and I've been discovering these on a deeper level in an effort to enhance what I was blessed with. What inspired this blog post is that one day over the Christmas break, I sat down with my favourite girls to just chill and watch some awfully dull reality TV show about fashion. (I'm not a big fan of reality TV shows, except The Apprentice and the occasional episode of Mary Mary just for the drama. Everything else currently on telly right now seems too shallow for me and it actually gives me a headache or sends me to sleep. Yawn. But of course, others find them entertaining etc, good on you :) And NOTE: sometimes I DO watch reality TV but very rarely, and usually out of extreme boredom) 

Anyway, back to the main topic. On this fashion show, there was a lady, nice slim body (as expected of most models), and a chest almost as flat as mine. She was rocking a very nice dress which was open at the front. It looked very flattering on her that it inspired me to be more creative when shopping for my own clothes so that I can buy clothes that go well with my body structure. I said out loud, "Wow, I think I should invest my time, money and energy in getting clothes that really flatter my boobs," to which Someone-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named responded saying, "Honey, there's nothing flattering about your chest." Obviously, to SWSNBN it was all banter, but it kind of stung. Another person chimed in and innocently said something along these lines: "Well, at least this lady has boobs, you've got nothing. You need push up bras and padded bras to make it look decent." I was gobsmacked. Absolutely lost for words. That really hurt my feelings and so I excused myself from the room and went to cry in my bedroom. I know that comment was passed innocently and perhaps wasn't meant to be hurtful, but it was delivered so bluntly that it hit home. This got me even more determined to prove my point, that as women without lower curves (Apple-shaped and tomboy shaped women) wear peplum for the sole purpose of making an illusion of hips they haven't got, I could wear something (other than padded bras) that would make my flat chest look decent without enhancing it. It's like, if a skinny person wears baggy clothes, it's not going to flatter her at all but make her look anorexic when she probably isn't. Same as if a person who's chubby wears really tight clothes that hug all her rolls and emphasises her extra bulges, she would look even bigger than she really is. As a flat chested woman, I can't be walking around wearing certain pieces of clothing because they would pave way for people to mock me even more (yes, there are some ruthless people out there.) My point is, I want to be able to have a choice. I like variety and I like being able to handle different types of things by altering certain things - not necessarily about me, but perhaps about how I look. This is similar to my no-make-up-challenge. I wanted to allow myself to realise that I can have choice. I can choose to not wear make up today and still feel alright. I hate feeling trapped and those who know me well would know that I'm almost always ready to flee from anything that makes me feel trapped and/or "weak". 

As a pear shaped young woman, I know I can still play around with fashion as I have a wide range to choose from. I invited my friend Jasmine who's a brilliant aspiring fashion stylist and former designer/tailor to help me coordinate outfits out of my own wardrobe that flatter me and my body shape. Images to come soon! Who needs boobs, to be honest :P


Many times men make females feel inadequate if they haven't got a certain body type or feature which they deem "sexually attractive" such as a bum and boobs. Women have fought this for years (through the feminist movement, etc) and they carry on fighting daily (the likes of Dapper Laughs just keep us women on our toes and carry on destroying what some people spent years trying to build. Sigh. More on that later). 

However, women are even more guilty when it comes to tearing other women down, using confidence and self-esteem as the greatest weapon. You'd think that as women we understand the struggle of not having the perfect everything (arguably, there are some women who have what many would call "dream bodies" - flat tummy, nice round bum, a sizeable chest and toned legs. Who wouldn't want that?) But then there's always a fight amongst women of different body shapes, pointing out each other's differences and making them seem like flaws. Slim women slandering curvy women; curvy women belittling slender women (Refer to Nicki Minaj - Anaconda). We honestly should be supporting each other. But then of course I get it - in as much as we hate to admit it, we do like the attention from men (for all my heterosexuals out there), and it boosts our confidence. We as women are in competition with each other - decent men are scarce tbh, therefore what do we do? We enhance our looks in an effort to attract Mr Right. Obviously, as long as there's no ring on our finger yet, we feel vulnerable and know we can lose Mr Right any moment to that girl with the "perfect something". Then we notice she's got a flat bum and it's like our devilish horns immediately grow, claws come out and we strike. We diminish her confidence and make sure she feels so insecure that she can't be comfortable around men. So we feel like we've won, take off the horns and claws, plaster our faces with the biggest, fakest smiles ever and carry on with life. It's exhausting. It's not right, but it is happening every single day. 

Appearance does matter to us, hence we bathe thoroughly, moisturise our skin with luxurious lotions, do laundry, get hair cuts etc. The only difference is how much appearance matters to each of us as individuals. For some, it's a priority ranking high up there alongside chocolate and food. For others, it's in the middle alongside hobbies etc while for others, it's almost at the bottom of the list. Once again I'll do another disclaimer: I'm NOT saying that ALL women are competing against each other for a future partner. I'm NOT saying that ALL women belittle each other based on body shape due to insecurities. However, I AM saying that some women tend to do that and I've witnessed this myself first hand. And to emphasise a precious point, the importance of these issues to women varies from person to person as we are all different and have different tastes and different priorities.  This is my journey to self-acceptance, self-awareness and self-growth. "Who's going to love you when you can't even love yourself?" 

Food for thought...

xox