"You can't do it"
"You're too weak"
"You are good for nothing!"
These are just some of the phrases many people (if not all) encounter in their lifetime, whether at home from their parents, with friends or out in the Big Scary World. The most obvious reaction to such horrific words and diminishing behaviour is to feel worthless indeed; to feel like a failure. One ends up not putting in any effort at all because they know that everybody is expecting the worst of them. That is what some would refer to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, I beg to differ.
I'm no psychologist at all, all my words are based on the study of Communication and Culture in high school and also some cases I witnessed first hand. That being said, my analysis is based on a small scale and mainly personal opinion, so I declare in advance that this may not be true for your case. Let me argue my case against my own opinion to begin with. The thing is, one can argue that no matter how much we deny it or how much we feel otherwise, we live in a very controlling world. There is no complete freedom. You can express yourself but only if it doesn't offend someone else (and it does, all the time). You can say whatever you want just not this particular thing or the other. Even those "rebels" who do not like to "follow the crowd" aren't completely free either; they have to obey the laws and a part of their being is still attached to mainstream society. The words and opinions of others greatly influences our behaviour, whether we like it, realise it or not. So what people define you as, you become that. That is very true - in some cases. Now, my argument is that, although the previous statement may be correct in many cases in everybody's life, no matter how much society can influence you, you still have a choice. Your mind is so adamant that it can help you to have that determination to prove people wrong. That's your ego right there. That is why rebels rebel in the first place - to try and remove themselves from the clutches of this "malicious" and controlling world. So when I see people letting go of their dreams, I just can't help but think that they are sabotaging their own success. Success doesn't happen overnight; neither does it always occur at first trial. Many people have had to keep trying and be turned down before they reached their goals and beyond. They often heard, "Sorry, you're not good enough", or "Sorry, you can't do it" and many other negative comments that may have belittled them and made them think less of themselves. However, a true winner knows that you gotta get up and try again and again and again. You will fall, but you must be resilient. You will lose, but you must try again next time. (Read the biographies of Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey and Albert Einstein for references)
I know a person who is capable of greatness. When I see this person, I see determination and passion over what they do, I see a dream so beautiful they cannot wait to see it come to fruition. But when I look a second or two longer, I see fear and self doubt, possibly generated from outside influence. They've got the potential and all, but they keep listening to the voices. After a while, though, I start wondering, is the voice coming from other people or is it a seed of negativity planted within them by other people's comments, which germinated into this thorny bush, making sure that each time their heart thumps with a great idea, it gets pricked and hurt and retreats back to its shell and the dream gets buried in the back of their mind along with countless other projects dumped mid-process. It makes me so sad that indeed sometimes I am one of those people; sabotaging my own progress for fear of failure and because of people telling me I can't do it. I let myself down the moment I let myself believe that I can't do it without even trying. That is why I call is self-sabotage. You see, people may call you stupid, they may call you a failure or a liability to society and you believe it and your mind believes it so it limits its abilities, but you shouldn't do that! You should not sabotage your own success and claim you're not meant for it. Perhaps your family has never succeeded before in that field (or any venture for that matter), but there's a first time for everything. You could be the one to break that cycle. You tell yourself your family was doomed to fail, yet you haven't even tried, for crying out loud! How will you know? You've failed once or twice and then gave up? And then you boldly say that it was your dream? If it was your dream indeed, you would get up and keep trying til the end of time, because that is what you're passionate about. Stop making excuses and start making it.
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