Believe Me, I'm lying...

He poured his heart out to me,

Like torrents of rain on a gloomy Friday night in the countryside

I was young and naive, vulnerable and fragile

Cynical, I never was. 

Trust, love, second chances and faith were the food to my soul, 

without those, I was as good as a withered rose.

He poured her heart out to me, he poured it all out.

Naive as I was, useless and too trustful, 

Gullible and fragile, I took his word for it. 

I've hated, I've scorned, I've been angered for his sake. 

I've cursed and I've hurt; I've provoked for his sake. 

I've lied and I've cried each time I blamed myself for his misery. 

I never loved myself enough to think, to believe, to imagine 

That I could be a good and worthy person - oh no. 

Then he poured his heart out while I sat there and listened.

The dark clouds, a symbol of the storm that was fast approaching, 

Were merely some cute fluffy grey clouds to me. 

How was I to know that it was a sign? How was I to know?

As vulnerable as I was, he entrusted me with important information. 

He toasted me with his cries like I was a piece of bread, waiting to be devoured

He even buttered me both ways, and in one bite, I was gone.
Young as I was, I listened to his story. 

'Believe me' I heard him say, and I took it all in like a helpless child. 

But if I had listened more carefully, I would have heard him whisper softly in the shadows of the night, 

'Believe me, I'm  lying...'

20 July 2012

Fish Can't Fly

I meant to complete this post last week before A-Level results, but I'm just in time for GCSE results. I remember back in the day when I was sitting my GCSE exams, after which I had a loooooong, relaxing 3 month break before I had to collect results. I remember on results day, walking into the assembly hall at The Grange School, watching my peers all in tears; some tears of joy, others of disappointment. That really made me a little anxious. So, I know exactly what some of you are going through right now but I just wanted to share a few words.

Many people will judge you by your academic achievements, because, let's face it, a good education is the "most priceless possession one can have". However, what our society tends to forget is that, we can't all be good at everything. Imagine this scenario - A fish and a bird were arguing about who was better than the other. Wise owl was watching this from a distance with much interest and fascination, so he decided to teach them a valuable life lesson. The fish and the bird were challenged to do two things in order to decide who was "better" than the other. The first test was to get to the top branch of a tree, however they wanted, as long as they didn't get assistance from anybody else. Effortlessly, the bird lifted its wings and flapped a few times and UP it went, plonked itself onto the branch. Meanwhile, poor fish wriggled and wiggled on the ground to no avail. So the result was that the bird was actually better than the fish. The fish, crestfallen, started to retreat to its pond, when owl reminded him of the second test. He told them to swim underwater in the pond for 5 minutes without coming up for air. The fish's face lit up as he thought, "Now, that's my thing!". He dived into the pond and so did the bird. However, within a couple of seconds, the bird came up for air, choking and coughing away. So the result was that the fish was indeed better than the bird. Puzzled, they both turned to the owl. "We've both won a round each, so who is better?" The wise owl looked at them with a smile on his face and said, "Neither of you is better than the other." You see, judging from the ability to get to the top branch of a tree, the bird was better than the fish, but judging from the ability to swim underwater for 5 minutes, the fish was a star! The thing is, they both thrived when they were "in their zone", doing the things which they're best at.

The point of this adapted short story of mine is that, we can't all be good at everything. You may not be academic, but you've got other equally important talents to exhibit to the world, such as singing, dancing, sport, etc. Don't let your grades define you because Fish can't fly, but they sure as heck can SWIM! Good luck to those collecting results and others awaiting life-changing decisions.

Have a great week

xx

"Let go and let God"

I came across a thought-provoking Instagram account on which the owner posted a textgram saying "Let go and let God is basically doing nothing and allowing "god" to do it for you? Good luck with that". It got me thinking how wrong and misled he or she must be, but it also got me thinking how wrong some believers could be. If anyone believes that the phrase "let go and let God" means "Sit your behind down and do absolutely nothing and a miracle will happen", this post is for you. Some call it faith, but in my opinion, as a believer myself, that's stupidity for lack of a nicer word to describe such atrocity. Here's why I say so, and this is just one way of viewing it. There are plenty of ways one can see or understand the phrase, but this is how I see it. 

Imagine you're a fashion designer and you've come up with this brilliant idea that's gonna break new grounds. As a believer, you let God know about this great idea and thank Him for bringing it into your mind or for giving you a creative mind. After that, you sketch it, find the right material and make the piece, advertise it in every way possible, but NOT FORGETTING to pray about it, asking God to "bless your hustle" (lol). You then stop worrying about it because you've already "Cast (that) burden unto Jesus, for He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7). Now THAT is how I would interpret the phrase "Let go and let God". It doesn't mean sit down and do nothing and expect God to perform a miracle and a physical garment would just appear from your imagination. It doesn't work like that. The phrase is a simplification of 1 Peter chapter 5:7 (Cast your burdens unto Jesus for He cares for you) or perhaps even Matthew 6:33 which says "Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you". That means, stop worrying, leave it to the cross. It doesn't mean, "Don't go to work, just wait at the end of the month and your bank balance will miraculously reflect a fat paycheck." As if! So in case you've not been practising this just because you misunderstood or misinterpreted that phrase, I hope now you're going to be able to Let go and Let God. Have a great weekend!

In it to win it

I remember when I was just a child, there was a very popular event called the OK Grand Challenge Jackpot Promotion, hosted by the big supermarket chain OK (not sure if they're still in business or not). One year, to promote the event, they made a very catchy advert that's been on my mind for over 10 years! The slogan for the ad campaign was "You've gotta be in it to win it!". People had to enter the prize draw or competition or whatever it was, in order to win the jackpot. That phrase has also stayed with me for a very long time. True, sometimes I forget about it and rarely apply it to my own life, but recently I've realised what a great life lesson this is. 

In life we have so many goals, so many things we want to achieve and make a name for ourselves. We've got so many talents that we wish to improve and use for fun, for good or to improve our lifestyles. We watch the Oscars, BET awards, all these prestigious events on TV and say to ourselves "One day I'm going to get that far. I'm gonna chase my dreams until they lead me to this." Yet, 10 years later we're still sat on the same couch in the same house watching the same programme uttering the same statement. Why? Because we forgot the most important part of making goals: we actually have to DO SOMETHING in order to get that recognition, achieve those goals or walk on that red carpet. You can't expect to win the lottery without buying that ticket, you can't win the dance competition without actually competing, and guess what? You can't achieve those goals until you start ACTING upon them. You've gotta be in it to win it! You've gotta start doing something to achieve something. 

Have you ever seen a farmer with a large piece of land who waits all year round for crops to come out of the ground? First, he has to plant the seeds, then water the plants and remove weeds. He also needs to apply fertilisers or pesticides, tending to his crops throughout the season until the harvest season comes. Without sowing the seeds, the farmer has no harvest. The same applies to your life. If you do not make an effort and do nothing at all, you will reap exactly that: NOTHING. That being said, I resumed my journey towards fitness yesterday, starting with a 40-minute session of P90X cardio workout. I hope to achieve my goals by the end of the summer, by being consistent with my eating habits and exercise! Let's make it our motto/mantra this week: "I've gotta be in it to win it!" 

Enjoy a productive week! xx

Confessions of a Bitter Person

I've been holding on to a lot of pain, harbouring so much anger and bitterness that now I feel like I'm poisoning myself. I feel choked and suffocated, all the clean fresh air has been sucked out of my life and replaced with this dark, painful atmosphere. It all stems down to a situation that was never confronted; a wrong that was never righted. I've been battling myself, trying to prepare myself for the great confrontation but the more I think about it, the harder it gets. I can't seem to let it go. 

Yet, there's a voice inside me telling me to cast my burdens unto Jesus (1 Peter 5:7), then another voice tells me that this is something I must take care of myself. My mess, my responsibility. However, I know what I must do, but doing the right thing isn't always easy. Today I've declared that I'm going to start the journey towards forgiveness. If I don't forgive, I won't forget. And if I don't forget, I'll never heal. So, if there's anybody out there suffering from anger, pain or whatever negative emotion, I urge you to let it go. Join me on a journey to setting ourselves free from the entrapment of dark emotions. It doesn't happen overnight or over a few days. It takes time. It could take months or maybe even years for us to get past it all, but we gotta let it go and carry on living a happy and healthy life. Don't beat yourself up over what other people did to you, because that battle is not yours. What goes around comes around and they will get what's coming to them. They may seem happy on the outside (just the same way you pretend to always be happy on the outside) but deep inside they could be reaping what they sowed. 

You feel like you've been knocked down to your knees, but believe me that's the best place to be in prayer. If need be, SHOUT it out, scream out LOUD, cry your eyeballs out until they are red and your nose is runny. But promise yourself that at the end of the day, you shall wipe those tears, blow your nose and clean yourself up. You've got to pick yourself up. You've got pick up the pieces and carry on. You've got to be resilient! Because when you hold on to anger, it is you who feels the pain. You constantly think of that person or that situation, and that depresses you even more. Therefore, your anger deepens. You lose yourself somewhere along the way and sometimes you feel like you've gone too far off the course to turn back. But it's never too late; you're never too far to go back to who you are destined to be. Let it go!

Facing Challenges

This year I vowed that I'm going to try my best to try something new every now and again, live a little and "expand my horizons". Having spent the past 20 years of my life living the average life with little to no excitement, climbing Kilimanjaro was a huge stepping stone (quite literally too) in my life. One reason why I took up this challenge (besides charity), is to open my eyes to my own capabilities. The day that idea was conceived was the beginning of a chain of events that have led me to where I am today. By far, I'm not yet where I want to be, but I'm not where I used to be this time last year - confused about what I really want in life, fresh out of high school and living on my own for the first time with a full-time job that required me to become a responsible adult.

I have a passion for art, writing, singing and fashion, more so art and writing than fashion but nonetheless, these are my passions. In this world full of talented people working hard trying to realise their dreams, sometimes you feel too small to begin anything. You feel as if if you have no connections in the big world, you can't make it. Which is true in some cases. So you end up sitting on your talents because it's too challenging to pursue your dreams. Facing challenges can help to build you or break you, but I think it comes down to you and how much you want it to work. Earlier today I was reading an article about the interview between Oprah and Tyler Perry. Tyler opens up to Oprah about his past, his challenges, having to be rejected and disappointed 8 years straight while trying to produce his first play after investing all his savings into it, being abused and using his anger and past as a motivation to do better for himself. For 8 years he was a nobody, but what appealed to me the most about that interview is when he said that dreams don't die; people just give up. Sometimes it is a choice you make to remain "a nobody" or to become somebody. Don't give up.

That being said, I've promised myself that I'm going to work hard to realise my dreams, finish writing my first novel, finish designing my first piece and finish writing (and maybe even producing) my first song. Because each challenge has to start somewhere. Once one thing has passed, it will be challenging to carry on, but at least it's one giant step towards my dreams. If I sit there all day watching TV or reading a novel or listening to music, dreaming of the day when my own material will be published, that dream would just rot and never come to fruition. I'd lose that talent sooner or later, while watching others live to see their dreams realised. I don't want that, so that's my challenge for the month. What's yours?

Enjoy the rest of your day x

Self-fulfilling Prophecy vs. Self Sabotage

"You're stupid!"

"You can't do it"

"You're too weak"

"You are good for nothing!"

These are just some of the phrases many people (if not all) encounter in their lifetime, whether at home from their parents, with friends or out in the Big Scary World. The most obvious reaction to such horrific words and diminishing behaviour is to feel worthless indeed; to feel like a failure. One ends up not putting in any effort at all because they know that everybody is expecting the worst of them. That is what some would refer to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, I beg to differ.

I'm no psychologist at all, all my words are based on the study of Communication and Culture in high school and also some cases I witnessed first hand. That being said, my analysis is based on a small scale and mainly personal opinion, so I declare in advance that this may not be true for your case. Let me argue my case against my own opinion to begin with. The thing is, one can argue that no matter how much we deny it or how much we feel otherwise, we live in a very controlling world. There is no complete freedom. You can express yourself but only if it doesn't offend someone else (and it does, all the time). You can say whatever you want just not this particular thing or the other. Even those "rebels" who do not like to "follow the crowd" aren't completely free either; they have to obey the laws and a part of their being is still attached to mainstream society. The words and opinions of others greatly influences our behaviour, whether we like it, realise it or not. So what people define you as, you become that. That is very true - in some cases. Now, my argument is that, although the previous statement may be correct in many cases in everybody's life, no matter how much society can influence you, you still have a choice. Your mind is so adamant that it can help you to have that determination to prove people wrong. That's your ego right there. That is why rebels rebel in the first place - to try and remove themselves from the clutches of this "malicious" and controlling world. So when I see people letting go of their dreams, I just can't help but think that they are sabotaging their own success. Success doesn't happen overnight; neither does it always occur at first trial. Many people have had to keep trying and be turned down before they reached their goals and beyond. They often heard, "Sorry, you're not good enough", or "Sorry, you can't do it" and many other negative comments that may have belittled them and made them think less of themselves. However, a true winner knows that you gotta get up and try again and again and again. You will fall, but you must be resilient. You will lose, but you must try again next time. (Read the biographies of Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey and Albert Einstein for references)

I know a person who is capable of greatness. When I see this person, I see determination and passion over what they do, I see a dream so beautiful they cannot wait to see it come to fruition. But when I look a second or two longer, I see fear and self doubt, possibly generated from outside influence. They've got the potential and all, but they keep listening to the voices. After a while, though, I start wondering, is the voice coming from other people or is it a seed of negativity planted within them by other people's comments, which germinated into this thorny bush, making sure that each time their heart thumps with a great idea, it gets pricked and hurt and retreats back to its shell and the dream gets buried in the back of their mind along with countless other projects dumped mid-process. It makes me so sad that indeed sometimes I am one of those people; sabotaging my own progress for fear of failure and because of people telling me I can't do it. I let myself down the moment I let myself believe that I can't do it without even trying. That is why I call is self-sabotage. You see, people may call you stupid, they may call you a failure or a liability to society and you believe it and your mind believes it so it limits its abilities, but you shouldn't do that! You should not sabotage your own success and claim you're not meant for it. Perhaps your family has never succeeded before in that field (or any venture for that matter), but there's a first time for everything. You could be the one to break that cycle. You tell yourself your family was doomed to fail, yet you haven't even tried, for crying out loud! How will you know? You've failed once or twice and then gave up? And then you boldly say that it was your dream? If it was your dream indeed, you would get up and keep trying til the end of time, because that is what you're passionate about. Stop making excuses and start making it.